


"Lying, isn't better than silence"

by IStanTheUswnt, Yellowpillows



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18674866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IStanTheUswnt/pseuds/IStanTheUswnt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellowpillows/pseuds/Yellowpillows
Summary: “I didn’t show you that photograph for your pity, I showed you because every single person on our squad has a similar story, everyone here’s lost, people. Good people, you’re not alone. On your darkest nights, there will always be hand to pull you out of the darkness, you’re part of the family now”“Thanks, Becky,” Emily smiled at Becky.Becky nodded as the dinner bell rang. Before she headed towards the door she turned back towards Emily.“Sonnett?”“Yea?”“Stick close to O'Hara, she’s a good influence, trust me,”“You got it captain,”Au





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We really hope you love this fic as much as we do! Kudos and Comments are much appreciated:)

**_Chapter 1_ **

  
  


Kelley looked down at her weapon once more, checking her clips making sure they were filled to the top. Kelley looked at her teammates, Becky kept a stone cold glare, Alex’s jaw was clenched as she held her weapon tight. Allie had her eyes closed, humming softly whereas Morgan was looking out the window. She noticed Tobin softly talking with Christen, presumably about the plan and she turned her head to see Emily’s knee bouncing up and down. 

 

Kelley took a deep breath as their vehicle came to a full stop, meaning they finally arrived at their location. Kelley slowly stood up and checked her equipment once more, making sure everything was in check, which thankfully it was. 

 

Emily knows she should’ve eaten earlier but food has never sat well during stressful situations. Stressful was an understatement, in this case, she nervously checked that her holster was in place again.

 

_ ‘Get it together Emily’  _ she whispered to herself.

 

She noticed Kelley sitting near her, poker face and all, and couldn’t help but feel more nervous. The other girl looked so confident that she felt so small in comparison. Then, she gazed at all her new squadmates, they all seemed so tight-knit, like a family. 

 

Emily shook her head and focused back on the present as their vehicle comes to a stop. She’s getting ready to step out of the vehicle when she felt Kelley’s arm on her shoulder.

 

“Don’t be nervous,” the older girl reassured her. Emily shot her a soft smile and nods, “Thanks,” 

 

_ It turns out, not even Kelley’s encouraging words could’ve prepared her for what was yet to come.  _

 

The city that she grew up in was hardly recognizable. It was merely a shell of all the things it used to be, the memories, the laughter, all long gone. All that was left was a collection of buildings, roads, and abandoned cars. As they line up behind Becky a thought crossed her mind that in those streets, they might just be the only being of warm blood and flesh left. 

 

“Today we are working on teamwork,” Becky said pacing in front of the squad. 

 

She continued, “O’Hara, I want you close to Sonnett today, show her the ropes,”

 

Emily turned to look at the girl who offered her reassurance earlier. Kelley nodded at her and smiled, “She’s gonna do great,” 

 

Becky smiled and threw her hand in the air, “Let’s go show the Sparx that their little rebellion has nothing on Nova!” 

 

Emily felt herself relax she shot her arm up in unison to her team. Rifle shots broke her out of her thoughts as they stormed into the building. Her ear strained, trying to pinpoint which direction they came from. She looked around and scanned her surroundings as they proceeded down the dark secluded hallway. Her eyes focused on Kelley in front of her, they had split off from the rest of the team to go clear the south side of the building. She noticed dead rats but there was no odor, just the tell-tale noise, a screech of sorts. With every gunshot, she flinched and hoped it wasn’t her teammates receiving them.

  
  


Kelley led Emily into a secluded part of the building, completely cut off from the rest of the team. Kelley noticed the dead rats in the corner, being fed on by the hundreds of ants that littered the room. 

 

Emily focused her attention on the gun that she was holding. It was a low-velocity weapon, less deadly than she wanted, but still deadly. She noticed Kelley’s distracted look as they continue ahead.

  
  


Kelley shook it off and continued to focus on the doorway in front of her, her gun raised, waiting as if she were a cheetah stalking her prey. As a rebel suddenly appeared, Emily started to move her finger onto her trigger. Within seconds Kelley simply pulled the trigger, ending the man’s life in seconds. 

 

Emily realized that she didn’t even get the chance to pull her trigger or react. She can’t help staring. Can’t help staring at his cold dead eyes that reminded her too much of her father’s. Can’t help staring at his limp corpse on the ground that reminded her of her mother’s. 

 

Kelley looked at Emily staring at the man with widened eyes, causing the older brunette to stifle a laugh.

 

“What you’ve never seen someone be shot before?” Kelley asked and Kelley swore she could have seen a flicker of sadness through her eyes but Emily simply shook it off and nodded.

 

“Yeah, but how did you know he was gonna come through the door?” Emily asked the older girl, her curiosity taking over.

 

“Em, it’s called footsteps. If you want to survive you need to use everything to your advantage. That’s the only way you get out in one piece. Take that as lesson 1.” Kelley told the rookie as they continued to make their way through the rundown building.

 

The duo continued to walk through the halls when Kelley heard footsteps behind a door. She held her hand up, signaling Emily to stop. 

 

“So rook, what’s the plan?” Kelley asked Emily as she leaned against the wall, her weapon drawn.

 

“What? Me?” Emily asked, she was a rookie after all and Kelley was her superior so why was she taking point?

 

“Yes you, now what’s the plan? You need to be quick on your feet Em. You got this.” Kelley told her, giving her the slight boost of confidence she needed.

 

“Okay, you kick the door in, I throw in a flash then you clear the right side and I got left side,” Emily told her and Kelley nodded and backed up against the door.

 

She watched as Emily grabbed a flashbang out of her vest and ripped off the pin and as Emily did that Kelley brought her leg forwards and then kicked it backward, smashing the door in. Emily wasted no time in throwing in the flashbang and soon heard the yells of the men inside.

 

Kelley burst inside, weapon held high up to her shoulder as she took out the two men who were rubbing at their eyes. She turned around to see a rebel, smirking at her as he held his weapon to her head. Kelley clenched her jaw as she realized this was probably it for her.

Emily doesn’t even react, she pulled the trigger without thinking, all she hears is the second gunshot go off as Kelley shot the second rebel in the chest. 

 

“You ok?” She asked checking on her older comrade. 

 

She’s confused when she sees the biggest smile on Kelley’s face. 

 

“Lesson 2, protect your team at all costs. Thanks for the save rookie.” Kelley told Emily who smiled and nodded.

 

“Of course,”

 

“Okay, this part seems to be clear, let’s rendezvous back with the team,” Kelley told the youngster who nodded and got into position next to Kelley and made their way to the team. 

 

“Where’s the rest of the team?” Emily asked Becky who was set up with Moe behind a barrier of cargo crates.

 

“I sent them to try to extract some resources from their armory,” Becky replied simply and turned her attention back to returning fire. 

 

“How many are left?” Emily asked as Kelley knelt down behind the crate with her.  

 

“Nearly a dozen, but they are trying to leave with that truck and it has Hydra-4 chemicals in them. We can’t let them leave. But it’s nearly impossible to get to.” Becky told them and Emily nodded.

 

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Emily told her and Becky’s eyes widened as she saw Emily get out of position and start sprinting towards the truck, shooting anyone in her sight. Somehow she managed to dodge bullets from all directions and made it behind a barrel and began firing at the rebels across from her.

 

Becky watched as she saw a Sparxie sneaking up behind Emily so she stood up and sprinted full speed, screaming the rookie's name who was oblivious to the whole situation.

 

Just as the Sparxie began to fire his weapon Becky jumped in front of Emily and felt herself being blasted backward, pain engulfing her. Becky looked up at Emily to see her fear stricken face as she stared at Becky and watched as she was shot from behind and collapsed to the ground. She turned her head to the side to see Kelley and Morgan running towards them, only to be shot from behind as well. Becky muttered a few curses before closing her eyes

  
  
  
  
  


Everyone groaned as the screen in their headgears powered down into darkness. Emily ripped her headgear off and wiped the sweat off of her forehead. She felt a mix of relief that the simulation ended but ashamed that she was the reason. 

 

“That was not the time for heroics!” Becky said sternly.  

 

Emily looked down at her feet as she felt a dozen eyes on her. 

 

“We easily could have taken out the rest when the others returned, but no, you had to run in and act like a hero. O’Hara, did you even teach her a damn thing? A bloody five year old could have acted better.” Becky snapped.

 

Kelley looked at Becky and rolled her eyes, “Come on Reeba, don’t you remember when on my first simulation I tripped on a landmine?” She argued some of her teammates snicker at the memory.

 

“We don’t have time for rookie mistakes anymore. Sparxie’s are developing. One damn mistake could end up being fatal. Have you all forgotten Cheney already.” Becky told them before storming out of the room.

 

Kelley felt like someone stabbed her in the chest at the mention of her fallen friend. She watched as Tobin looked down silently. 

 

Emily looked up at her teammates, “I’m sorry, I was out of line, I promise I’ll do better next time,” 

 

No one really said anything after the mention of Cheney still hung heavy in the room, on the way out Alex patted Emily on the back.

 

“We’ve all been here Rooks, don’t worry about Becky she’s just been dealing with a lot lately,” She said before following Tobin out of the room.

 

Emily sat down in front of her locker and put her face in her hands. 

  
  


Kelley looked at Emily’s defeated form and sighed. She walked over to the girl and sat down next to her. 

 

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over what happened okay Em?” Kelley told Emily softly.

 

Emily looked up and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, “I just feel like I don’t belong like I’m gonna let you guys down,”

 

“Em, you’re a rookie. Your gonna make mistakes. Hell, at least you made one doing something you thought was right. I tripped on a bloody landmine for my first one. You should've seen Becky’s reaction.” Kelley told her with a small smile.

 

“Yeah?” Emily looked at her, grateful for the girl’s company.

 

“Yeah. Now c’mon let’s go get something to eat.” Kelley told her as she stood up and lent out her hand to Emily.

 

“You sure know the way to my heart,” Emily joked lightheartedly. 

 

“This isn’t my first rodeo, I bet I will know your ins and out in less than a week.” Kelley joked back.

 

__________

 

Kelley headed to the kitchen to help prepare dinner while the rookie headed back to the barracks. She felt concerned about Emily’s mental state but the rookie reminded Kelley so much of herself. 

 

She shook the thoughts out of her head as she got out the ingredients needed for dinner. It doesn’t take her long to prepare a giant pot of soup and pasta, enough for everyone to have 3rds even. The soup was the color of the vegetable garden, filled with kale and broccoli just how Becky likes it. The hue was softened just a bit with the addition of cream cheese and parmesan, Tobin was gonna have a field day with the cheese.

 

She could already here Alex’s whines in her head, _ ‘Kelley putting cheese in everything doesn’t make it taste better,’ _

 

Alex’s arms scared her as her best friend reached over her and grabbed a piece of pasta, successfully popping it into her mouth. 

 

“Where’d you come from?” 

 

Alex smirked, “I teleported,” 

 

Kelley rolled her eyes and groaned, “I’m too hungry for your smartass remarks,”

 

Alex’s face turned serious as she opened her mouth, “Do you think Becky was too hard on the rookie today?” 

 

Kelley handed Alex the bowl of pasta to place on the table, “She’s a good one Alex I can feel it,” 

 

Alex took the bowl from Kelley’s hands and set it down in the middle of the table, “I feel like there’s more to her story,”

 

Kelley nodded in agreement, “She’ll tell us when she’s ready,”

___________

 

Emily laid on her bed in the barracks, hearing the slight creak of the loosened wooden tile. She was alone, everyone was out in the break room playing pool and watching television. Emily couldn’t believe how much she messed up today, she desperately wanted to make a good impression and she did the complete opposite.

 

_ ‘Why are you such a fuck up?’ _ Emily thought as she felt a few tears fall down her face. 

 

Emily heard the door creak open and she quickly wiped the tears away as she sat up on her elbows. She grimaced as the lights were turned on and as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness she noticed Becky walking over.

 

“Mind if I sit?” Becky asked quietly as she pointed to the bed and Emily nodded as she sat up, swinging her legs off the bed and allowing them to touch the cold wooden floor.

 

“Emily… I’m sorry for how I reacted today. You’re a rookie, you’re meant to make mistakes. They are meant to be made during simulations. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.” Becky told Emily, who looked taken aback.

 

“It’s fine, you’re the captain, that’s your job,” Emily responded as she looked down at the floor.

 

“My job is to guide you all, not berate you. But please in the future, do not act without asking. We already have one impulsive teammate.” Becky told her with a smile and Emily nodded.

 

“Who?” Emily asked.

 

“Kel, literally the most impulsive person I’ve ever met, yet she is so experienced at it, she usually never messes up,” Becky told her, chuckling slightly. 

 

She looked at Emily and noticed the sad demeanor she continued to give off, which bugged Becky to no end. She wanted to wrap up the lost girl in a hug.

 

“There’s more to your story isn’t there?” Becky pried, she was scared to push the young girl too far but she needed to know her story to help her.

 

Emily looked up at Becky, she’s trying so hard to hold back tears, ‘ _ what kind of soldier cries’ _ Emily beats herself up in her head.

 

Becky placed her hand on Emily’s shoulder and gave her an encouraging squeeze.

 

“My parents and my twin,” Emily started and stopped before continuing, “It was two days after my 20th birthday, we were celebrating at dinner when they shot up the restaurant.” 

 

Becky’s heart broke at the thought of how lost Emily must’ve been these last two years.

 

“They just shot it up for some fucking revolution, No reason! No reason they just took my family’s life. For what? To make a fucking point!” Emily said calmly with emotion her eyes were glazed over and she was staring straight ahead. 

 

Becky got up and walked over to her bunk and grabbed her helmet, Emily looked at her with confusion.

 

She flipped over the helmet and worked her finger underneath the shielding. She pulled out a photograph and handed it to Emily. 

 

Emily stared down at a photo of her captain, she looked young and vibrant. Beside her was a man who looked strikingly similar to Becky.

 

“My brother,” Becky said taking the photograph back and admiring it for a second before carefully sticking it back into her helmet.

 

“He died in an ambush last year, he was only 19,” 

 

Emily pursed her lip, “I’m sorry for your loss,”

 

“I didn’t show you that photograph for your pity, I showed you because every single person on our squad has a similar story, everyone here’s lost people. Good people, you’re not alone. On your darkest nights, there will always be hand to pull you out of the darkness, you’re part of the family now” 

 

“Thanks, Becky,” Emily smiled at Becky.

 

Becky nodded as the dinner bell rang. Before she headed towards the door she turned back towards Emily.

  
“Sonnett?”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Stick close to O'Hara, she’s a good influence, trust me,”

 

“You got it, captain,”

 

_______

  
  


She heard her stomach growl as she rung the bell signaling dinner time. She laughed to herself as her squadmates came barreling down the hallway one after the other reminding her of dogs running towards a food bowl. 

 

She made sure to sit down next to Emily who seemed more somber than she did earlier. 

 

As everyone began filling their plates, Kelley whispered to Emily.

 

“Hey, you okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I talked to Becky. Everything’s good.” Emily whispered back and Kelley nodded.

 

“Be sure to eat up, I worked extra hard on this food,” Kelley told her with a smile and Emily laughed lightheartedly and nodded.

  
  


“Holy crap this is amazing!” Emily commented as she finished her bite of her pasta causing her teammates to laugh.

 

“The only talent Kelley here has is how to cook Em,” Tobin commented as she began pouring more parmesan on her pasta until Christen snatched it out of her hands.

 

“You’re gonna get diabetes if you continue to eat like that,” Christen told her as she rolled her eyes.

 

“I’ve been alive for 25 years doing this and I’m perfectly okay thank you very much,” Tobin responded. 

 

A buzzing was heard on the table and everyone looked at Morgan who lifted her phone up, reading a text. 

 

Emily watched as Morgan’s smile dropped to a frown.

 

“Who’s it from Moe?” Alex asked as she took a bite of her pasta.

 

“Fabrice.” Morgan gritted out as she ignored the text and put it in her pocket.

 

“This guy really doesn’t know boundaries I swear to god,” Kelley mumbled and everyone agreed.

 

“Uh, still a rookie here, but who’s Fabrice?” Emily asked, confused as to who this new guy was.

 

“He’s a straight A douchebag who I hope gets his 5-centimeter pecker bit off by a dog,” Allie commented earning a slap from Christen who was right next to her.

 

“Allie, language!” Christen scolded but Allie just rolled her eyes.

 

“He’s my ex who thinks he’s all high and mighty because he’s a powerful government official. He showed his true colors when he said I wouldn’t last a week in the academy and now here I am.” Morgan told Emily who nodded.

 

“Fuck the patriarchy!” Allie cheered out of nowhere causing everyone to fall into a pit of laughter.

 

The night continued on, mini conversations running through the table like it was a wildfire. It was a good night’s end to a horrid beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

“Remind me why you volunteered us to come patrol again?” Tobin asked as she drove their patrol vehicle along the dirt path in the forest of Aros.

 

“Well, we need to get our patrol hours done, besides it’s Aros. Nothing ever happens here.” Christen replied with a smile as she looked out the window, spotting a few baby rabbits hopping around.

 

Christen smiled at the sight, she truly loved nature, much more than the others and took pride in it. The fresh air and the sound of leaves flying around her gave her a sense of tranquility.

 

Christen felt herself relaxing into the seat until she felt the vehicle make a crunching noise that caused her to jump up to a little and hit the side of the door.

 

“Damnit!” 

 

Christen looked to her left to see Tobin slam her hands on the wheel as she gritted her teeth.

 

“We just got a flat. Call it in and tell them we will be late to dinner.” Tobin told Christen who nodded.

 

Christen reached up to her earpiece and pressed the little button on the side. She quickly relayed the information to Becky who understood and told them to stay safe.

 

“Okay so do you know how to fix a flat because I sure don’t,” Tobin asked as she crossed her arms causing Christen to laugh softly.

 

“You know, that’s one of the things I would have thought you would have known. But yes, I do know how to change a flat.” Christen responded as she opened her car door. 

 

She stepped out of the vehicle and walked to the front of the car, examining it. She looked at the tire and was shocked to see a few little piercings in it.  Christen knelt down on the dirt and moved her hand around in it until she felt something sharp touch her hand. Christen moved the dirt out of the way and was shocked to see spike traps underneath.

 

“Hey Tobin, get over here,” Christen called out as she began moving away from the spike traps.

 

“What's up, Chris?” Tobin asked as she leaned on the car.

 

“These are spike traps, they seem fresh too. I don’t see any rust on them.” Christen told her and she watched as Tobin narrowed her eyes.

 

“Spike traps? Why would there b-”

 

Tobin was cut off by a bullet flying by her head, her immediate reaction was to hit the ground. Tobin managed to look up to see Christen already firing back into the unknown except she was exposed, she was at the front of the car with no cover whereas Tobin had the whole side covering her.

 

“CHRIS GET BACK!” Tobin screamed as she stood up and began firing into the thick treeline.

 

Tobin felt her stomach lurch as she watched Christen twist, grabbing her arm as she fell to the ground. 

 

“This is Tobin, I need immediate assistance in Aros, shots fired and an officer down,” Tobin yelled into her earpiece as she ran out from behind the side of the car and grabbed Christen by her vest and began dragging her behind cover.

 

Once Tobin saw Christen secured and safe she began firing from her position. She scanned the treeline but couldn’t see a single soul. 

 

“Christen? Chris…. Are you okay?” Tobin asked as she stopped firing and knelt down next to the brunette. 

 

Tobin looked at Christen who was clutching her arm as she clenched her eyes shut, gritting her teeth. She saw the sweat beading down her face and Tobin felt herself start to panic.

 

“Chris, your gonna be fine, just keep the pressure on that wound. I can’t tell how deep it is, but just keep your eyes awake alright.” Tobin spoke quickly, she had no idea what she was even saying, she had no idea what to do.

 

Tobin heard the gunshots begin to die down and she breathed a sigh of relief. She just seriously hoped they weren’t changing their position to fire at them again.

 

“Tobin? Are you alright? How… How many are there?” Christen asked as she sat up a little straighter, trying to ignore the pain flowing through her veins. 

 

“I dunno, just keep your head low. Help will be here soon.” Tobin told her as she gripped her weapon.

 

She peeked her head over the side of the truck but ducked immediately after feeling the buzz of a bullet go by her head again. She turned her head to see Christen holding her pistol tight in her bad arm with her other arm clutching the wound.

Tobin felt herself calm down as she hasn’t heard a bullet being fired for a couple of minutes. 

 

_ ‘Maybe they left.’  _ Tobin thought as she leaned her head against the car, breathing heavily. 

 

Though the silence was short lived because a new group of gunshots came from a different direction, nearly hitting the two.

 

“Chris come on!” Tobin yelled out as she scrambled to her feet and grabbed Christen and pulled her to the front of the car.

 

Christen opened one of her velcro pockets on her kevlar and grabbed a mini tourniquet. Hands shaking she applied it, her whole body pressed to the front of the car. Tobin wanted desperately to help but the bullets kept flying towards them.

 

“Did you know that women are 14% more likely to survive traumatic injuries?” Christen muttered to herself. 

 

It was so absurd that Tobin doesn’t process what she said until moments later.

 

“Are you seriously spewing statistics at me right now?” Tobin deadpanned, giving Christen a once over to make sure she wasn’t bleeding anywhere else. 

 

“What’s the ETA on Becky?” Christen groaned. 

 

Tobin checked her watch, “They’re probably 7-10 minutes out,”

 

The bullets stopped for a few seconds,  _ probably reloading _ , Tobin inferred. 

 

She took a breath and jumped out of cover. There were only two men and she had caught them by surprise. 

 

Tobin sent bullets into the assailants, whom she recognized as sparxies and took them out cleanly. Tobin breathed another sigh of relief until she heard more gunfire to her right causing her to duck into cover again. 

 

Tobin watched as Christen slowly got onto one knee and began firing off rounds of her pistol into the woods.

“Chris, stop exerting yourself, we don’t know how deep your wound is nor do we know how much blood you're losing,” Tobin told her and Christen sat down again and sharply turned her head to Tobin.

 

“I’m sorry, but I’d rather lose blood in an arm than officially die because I didn’t even try to defend myself,” Christen told her sharply catching Tobin off guard.

 

“Sorry,” Tobin muttered before standing up herself and began shooting at the Sparxies.

 

Tobin heard gunfire start to come from right behind her and she quickly turned around, her gun ready to fire until she stopped and smiled at who was coming. Tobin saw her team’s truck driving towards them, with Allie on top with the machine gun firing away. Tobin saw Becky in the driver's seat and watched as she skidded the truck to a stop right next to them.

 

She watched as her whole team got out of the truck except for Allie who was still up top firing away. Alex went straight for Christen, noticing she was injured whilst Becky and Morgan went to cover her. Kelley and Emily made their way to Tobin and peaked out to start firing.

 

“You guys go out for what an hour and you get into this mess Tobs? I was really excited for dinner too!” Kelley commented as she began firing causing Tobin to roll her eyes.

 

“Shut up Kel, I was excited for dinner too but here we are.” Tobin shot back before getting up to fire again. 

 

Eventually, the gunfire ceased and all that was left to hear was Christen shifting as Alex continued to disinfect Christen’s gunshot wound.

 

“I think they are gone or they are all dead, hoping for the latter,” Emily told the group who agreed.

 

“How’s Christen, Alex?” Becky asked as she knelt down next to heer, taking a look at Christen’s wound herself.

 

“Not bad at all, she didn’t get hit fully but it wasn’t just a graze either. She should be good to go in a couple of days.” Alex told her captain who nodded.

 

“Good. Now everyone back in the truck, and that includes you too. Leave your car here, I’ll send out a new dispatch group to come get it.” Becky told the group, speaking specifically to Christen and Tobin.

 

The two nodded and stood up and walked over to the truck and got in. The second Tobin got into the truck she took off her kevlar that was filled with sweat and brushed a hand through her hair. She looked over at Christen who was still holding her arm.

 

Tobin felt guilty.

 

She wished she looked closer at the road and they could’ve avoided that mess all together. Tobin felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped until she realized it was only Allie.

 

“I know that look, this wasn’t your fault Tobin. Besides, your both okay.” Allie whispered and Tobin nodded gratefully.

 

Allie really has been her rock through this whole task force thing, she always knew what Tobin was feeling and she was grateful for it. If she didn’t have Allie, who knows how Tobin would’ve ended up.

 

“Glad that is over because it’s time for DINNER!” Kelley yelled out to the group and soon enough the whole truck was engulfed in laughter.

 

That’s how it was, the whole way home. Laughter and cheesy banter and Kelley’s whining about dinner every five minutes was the only thing to be heard.

  
  


_______

 

Tobin runs into Christen in their locker room after dinner. She was planning on swapping out the bloody uniform in her locker for a new set. Tobin certainly didn’t plan on seeing Christen trying to change her bandages herself.

 

She placed her new uniform inside her locker before kneeling down in front of Christen and gently grabbing the roll of bandage from her hand.

 

Christen looked down at her, “Thanks,”

 

Tobin nodded silently, wrapping gently as if she was afraid Christen would break.

 

She sighed, “I’m sorry about earlier,” she apologized, her eyes refusing to leave Christen’s arm.

 

“Tobin, it’s not your fault,” Christen used her other hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Tobin found herself leaning into Christen’s touch, it’s been a long day.

 

“No I meant when I told you to stop fighting back,” Tobin explained putting down the bandages.

 

Christen retracted her arm and pulled her sleeve back down, “Tobin, I’m sorry I snapped at you, I was obviously not in the right mindset,”

 

Tobin stood up and nodded, “I just don’t want you to ever feel like I’m underestimating you is all,”

 

Christen stood up and they started walking back towards the barracks, bumping shoulders all the way down the hallway.

 

Tobin thought that Christen wasn’t going to answer her until they stopped in front of Christen’s assigned barrack area.

 

“You’re the last person I’d ever think was underestimating me, and plus you always got my six, you saved my life today,” Christen smiled at her sincerely.

 

Tobin tried to hide her smile, “I wouldn’t go as far as saying I saved your life,”

 

Christen surprised her by wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck and pulling her close for a hug. A bit of pain jolted through her arm but she was soon engulfed in Tobin’s arms.

 

The hug ended sooner than both would’ve liked but they kept it professional. 

 

“I needed that after today,” Christen suddenly felt the need to explain herself.

 

Tobin nodded, “Goodnight Chris,”

 

“Goodnight,”


	3. I can't carry this anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So me and ISTANTHEUSWNT wrote this chapter kinda like flashbacks so basically it reveals kinda the backstories of these girls before they joined the task force and kinda like what happened in the world. Sorry if it's confusing. We worked hard on the logistics so we hope you like it!

**6 Years Earlier**

 

By the time Morgan was in her Senior year of high school, the government had already morphed into the way it was today. After the war a new provisional government was set up, they called themselves Nova. It felt as if the apocalypse was coming even though life carried on the same for a while.

 

The apocalypse came, but not as predicted as predicted in fire and brimstone.

 

They were shielded from most of the news of the outside world. The news channels no longer attempted to keep up with bombings, attacks, and massacres. Everytime they reported a new story, hundred more occured. Some called it a civil war, others called it a revolution, her parents called it a rebellion. They didn’t agree with the guerilla groups and spoke very openly about it.

 

Still they carried on their daily lives inside the city, hoping, praying the war wouldn’t reach them. Moe always found it funny that when people sense danger they more times than not stay instead of running away.

 

Morgan sat on the school bench with two of her best friends, Lydia and Danny as they talked about their future plans during lunch.

 

“So, Lydia what are you planning on doing after graduation?” Danny asked as she took a sip of her water.

 

Lydia just shrugged, she was never the planning type so honestly who knew where she would end up.

 

“I dunno, I guess I’ll work at mum’s shop or something. Wherever the tide takes me is where I will go.” Lydia told the pair who nodded.

 

“How about you Danny?” Morgan asked curiously.

 

“My dad is setting me up an internship at a law firm. Hopefully I can land the lawyer gig and then bail the two of you idiots out of jail in the future.” Danny told them, joking at the last bit.

 

“Bold of you to assume I’ll go to jail miss Colaprico.” Lydia commented, stifling a laugh.

 

“Anyways, what about you Moe, what’s your plans?” Danny asked.

 

“Oh, I was planning on joining a task force, seems fun,” Morgan told them and the pair’s jaws dropped.

 

“Our little Morgan, having a weapon in her hand? I don’t believe it, she’s actually growing a pair!” Lydia cheered causing Morgan to roll her eyes.

 

“Shut up Lydia. On the real though Moe, that’s dangerous. You could get seriously hurt.” Danny told her and Morgan shrugged.

 

“I wanna put bad people away firsthand. Besides Fabrice doesn’t think I can do it either so I want to prove him wrong,” Morgan told them and they both nodded.

 

“Speaking of the devil, look who arrived.” Lydia spoke as she pointed to a young man in suit walking towards them.

 

“Hello babe…. Lydia, Danny,” Fabrice said to the group as he came in to give Morgan a hug who returned the gesture.

 

“Moe, guess what,” Fabrice said to his girlfriend who raised her eyebrow quizzically.

 

“What?” Morgan asked before throwing a glance towards Danny and Lydia.

 

“I got you an internship in my office! You can train to become a government official with me,” He told her and Morgan internally groaned.

 

Lydia snickered and opened her mouth to say something but Danny nudged her and shot her a warning glance.

 

“Fabrice, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m not going into government with you. I’m joining the task force,” Morgan replied as she stepped away from her boyfriend who looked appalled.

“That’s nonsense, you wouldn’t last a day in the academy, not to mention that kind of place isn’t for women,” Fabrice told her harshly causing the trio to recoil.

 

“Excuse me?” Lydia stepped in front of Moe, her fists balled up tight by her side.

 

“Sorry Lydia, I wasn’t talking to you. Though then again you might get through because you look like a man,” Fabrice snickered.

 

That was the breaking point of Lydia’s patience. She tried really hard to like Fabrice, she really did. She tried to get along with him because Morgan was her best friend and she’d do anything for her. This? This is where she lost it.

 

Even Danny had her mouth wide open as she listened to that disgusting excuse of a human being speak. She casted a glance at Lydia who looked like she was ready to blow a casket and prepared herself for what’s to come.

 

“Okay listen here Mr. Nonexistent hairline, not a single person, not one soul, NO ONE, asked for your sexist remarks. Morgan here, you know your girlfriend, can absolutely join the task force if she wanted to and there’s nothing you can ever do to stop her. In fact she will probably be one of the top of her class! Now nighty night preppy princess,” Lydia told him, her voice dark as anger took over.

 

If felt good as her fist came into contact with Fabrice’s face. She doesn’t feel the aching of her fists as Danny pulls her back when she lunged for Fabrice once again. She knew she shouldn’t have continued to lash out in Danny’s arms, but she couldn’t find it in her to stop.

 

“Lydia! You can’t just hit people!” Morgan tried to reason with her best friend but knew it was a losing battle.

 

Morgan’s major flaw was trying to see the good in everyone, even if they didn’t have a single good bone in their body.

 

“Morgan, I’ve stood by you through everything, I can’t stand by and see you make yourself smaller everyday just because this loser takes up so much fucking space!” Lydia stopped thrashing and pried Danny’s hands off her arm.

 

“Oh so the man can defend himself.” Fabrice spoke as he stood up, wiping the little blood splatter off of his mouth.

Upon hearing that, Morgan spun on her heels and glared at Fabrice, Lydia was right.

 

Fabrice was a grade A douchebag.

 

“Fabrice, leave right now.” Morgan stated as she pointed to his car.

 

“If I leave, you leave with me, end of discussion.” He told her as he grabbed her arm, squeezing it.

 

“Get your hands off her dipwad.”

 

Another punch was thrown into Fabrice’s face except this time it wasn’t Lydia but Danny instead, shocking everyone, including Fabrice who laid on the ground.

 

Lydia cheered and slapped Danny on the back, “I knew you had it in you,”

 

Her excitement turned into sadness when she sees the heartbreak on Morgan’s face.

“Leave now Fabrice, I can’t even look at you.” Morgan whispered as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks.

 

Fabrice stood up once more and was ready to say more nonsense until he eyed Lydia and Danny staring daggers at him.

 

“This talk is far from over. Your little stunt will have repercussions.” He told her as he pointed to her chest before storming off to his car.

 

Lydia doesn’t hesitate to wrap Moe up in her arms as soon as Fabrice peels out of the parking lot at a breakneck speed.

 

Danny grabbed her hand and sat her back down on the bench, “Moe listen to me, I think you can do anything, and whatever you choose to do, you’re gonna be kickass at it,” She wiped the tears from Moe’s cheek and sat down beside her. Lydia was pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of them shaking out her throbbing hand.

 

“He’s gonna regret it when I outrank him someday,”

 

_“Oh trust me he will kid,”_

 

_______

For Kelley O’hara it was supposed to be “Kelley and Alex take on college together”. They were supposed to have the life that they’d dreamt up together when they were eight years old. They were going to room together, play soccer, and get wasted every weekend. She had a girlfriend, she met Christen at orientation and fell puppy dog eyes in love with her. She planned on going pro after college.

 

At least that was the plan.

 

Finding out her father was killed in combat certainly wasn’t part of the plan. Having everything change in front of her eyes wasn’t the plan. She paid no attention to the wars going on since it hasn’t hit the big cities yet.

 

It’s not like she had the heart to pay attention anyways. She felt that she lost a little part of herself she’d never get back. It was buried 6 feet under with her father.

 

It was hard to do anything for a while, hard to breath, to exist, to live. It was as if the world was made of shadows and every breath felt hollow in her chest.

 

Alex was patient with her through it all. She saw the way that the war took everything away from Kelley. Death wasn’t kind on her best friend.

  
  


“God Kelley, why don’t you ever just let yourself be loved?” Alex sighed in frustration.

 

“Because they don’t tell you that sometimes loving someone will tear you open at the seams,”

 

“I love you Kells, I love you and it hurts me to see you hurting this much,”

 

“There’s no me to love anymore,” Kelley spat back and walked away.

 

The heaviness was in her limbs as well as her mind. Things that she used to find funny now only caused a deepening of the pain. Sometimes she found herself picking up her phone, her finger always hovers over her dad’s contact. She couldn’t bear the thought of even deleting it.

_______

  
  


Kelley was smiling, like actually smiling. Not one of her fake smiles that only Alex could see through like a curtain, but a real down to earth smile. They had spontaneously joined in on a soccer scrimmage with some high school kids and Alex hasn’t seen Kelley so relaxed in what felt like years. Alex finds herself staring at Kelley who much to her surprise, slid under her and took off with the ball. She passed it to a kid on her team and they score.

 

Then Kelley laughed. It was a sound that Alex hasn’t heard in a million years and it’s one she’d wait another million years for.

 

After the scrimmage they both collapsed onto a bench outlooking the giant lake in the middle of the park. The orange gold of the sky stretched far and wide reflecting across the water.

 

“Kel?” Alex asked as she leaned forward on the bench, her body shifted staring straight into Kelley’s hazel eyes.

 

“Yeah?” Kelley responded softly as she locked eyes with her best friend.

 

“You actually seemed happy today,” Alex told her and Kelley chuckled softly as she broke the eye contact and looked at the ground.

 

“I felt happy Al,” Kelley said quietly.

 

“What was that?” Alex asked, most definitely hearing it the first time but wanting Kelley to repeat herself.

 

“I felt happy, like truly happy.” Kelley responded as she looked up at her friend and gave her a soft smile.

 

Alex sat back and let the happiness soak right into her bones. She closed her eyes and savoured the moment.

 

“Happiness looks great on you Kell,” Alex smiled softly at Kelley.

 

Kelley snorted, “Everything looks good on me Alex, I mean look at me,”

 

“Okay, don’t push it hotshot,” Alex responded as she playfully punched Kelley’s arm.

 

“Just ask Christen, she’ll agree with me,” Kelley argued smirking at her best friend.

 

“Your girlfriend always has to agree with you Kelley, that’s her job even if your wrong.” Alex responded, holding back a laugh.

 

“Then why doesn’t she agree with me when I forget to do the dishes?” Kelley muttered.

 

“You mess with Christen’s way of being organized and neat then that’s your own fault.” Alex commented, not being able to hold back the laugh any longer.

 

Kelley rolled her eyes, “You make me sound like a pig,”

 

“I was thinking more along the line of a squirrel, but a pig works too.” Alex told her causing Kelley to place her hand to her heart, acting as if she was hurt by the comment.

 

“I could totally throw you into the lake right now,” Kelley threatened playfully.

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Alex challenged.

 

“You’re right, you’re right,” Kelley threw her hand up in defeat.

 

“I’m always right.” Alex smiled brightly.

 

“Only cause I need you to do my Psych homework later though,” Kelley smirked.

 

“Oh I see how it is, your just using me for your own benefits. Maybe I should be the one throwing you into the lake.” Alex told her as she crossed her arms and gave her infamous Alex morgan stare.

 

Kelley crossed her arms, “I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate that,”

 

“I think she’d be the first one to toss you in, besides you can’t tell me Christen wouldn’t enjoy it, you just can’t.”

 

“Whatever,” Kelley huffed.

 

“Speaking of Christen, wanna go swing by her place?” Alex asked.

 

“Yea, of course,”

 

_______

  
  


For Tobin, Allie was her saving grace during basic training. She always hated that name because to her there was nothing basic about taking someone’s life. It went against a lot of what she believed in, yet she didn’t think about it twice when she joined.

 

She didn’t need to think about it because she was so tired of feeling helpless. Five months after the start of the war, a bomb went on in their dorm block. It was a planned terrorist attack meant to instill fear, Tobin and Allie felt as if they were given a second chance at life. They wanted to make sure this never happened to anyone else.

 

Basic training was not only physically but also mentally demanding. Despite that, their faith never wavered because they had each other. In fact, they were so inseparable that their squadmates started calling them ‘Thing One’ and ‘Thing Two’, one was never seen without the other.  

 

Allie knew that Tobin struggled with routine. She’s known Tobin since she was a scared little girl in high school. Tobin was a freespirit, she hated staying in one place but Allie guessed she was probably a little afraid of it too. Allie’s seen her best friend struggle with learning to love. Learning to love herself, her place, her purpose, learning how to love others without being afraid. She was so afraid yet she was a human being who craved love, needed it.

 

That’s all Allie’s ever done, was love Tobin like family does. And that’s what got her through basic training. That’s what got her through the endless hours of struggling to learn how to keep her space clean and her uniform pressed. That’s what got her through the countless times their drill instructor yelled at her for being careless about the small things.

 

Tobin had to learn that the small things matter, that she mattered.

 

Allie was the type of person you wanted to have by your side when shit went down. She always braved the storm like an anchor. Whatever she had to do disappeared and she focused on what needed to be done. Her shoulder is only there for Tobin when she couldn’t bear the weight herself, after that she helped build up resilience and inner strength.

 

They balanced each other out, Allie was stickler for rules and Tobin made it a challenge to break every single one.

 

When they graduated from the academy their drill instructor awarded them with two patches, fire and ice. Allie was the ice that kept Tobin’s fire from spreading, but Tobin thawed her, made her more human.

 

“We did it Toby,” Allie pressed her patch onto her uniform her fingers running its course over the material.

 

Tobin smiled and threw her arm around her best friend’s shoulder as they walked towards their barracks to pack. They were getting relocated to their new squad soon, Tobin was anxious but she felt a sense of freedom.

 

“Yeah, we really did Al,”

 

The pair made it to their barracks and Tobin walked over to her bed and sat down and sighed.

 

“What if they split us up?” Tobin asked, her anxiety evident in her voice.

 

Allie folded up her uniforms neatly and placed them into her duffel bag, “They wouldn’t come on, we’re fire and ice!” She said pointing to Tobin’s patch.

 

Tobin looked around their empty bunk, she found it amazing that all her stuff managed to fit into one single duffel bag.  

 

“I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you,” Tobin told her truthfully as she grabbed her duffel.

 

Tobin felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned her head to see Allie smiling down at her.

 

“I could say the same for you, you helped me through my darkest time and I’ll never forget it.”

 

Tobin smiled softly at her before pulling the taller blonde in for a hug.

 

“It’s you and me against the world Toby, just you and me.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. You broke me like the dawn breaks through the night

**Chapter 4:**

 

Tears burst forth like water in a pool during hurricane season. She felt it spilling down her face but doesn’t bother wiping it off. Emily felt the muscles of her chin tremble as she looked towards the television as if watching old cartoons could somehow soothe the pain. She zoned out and there’s static in her head once more, the side effect of the constant fear and stress radiating from within. 

 

The pain was unbearable, Emily felt as if every emotion was running rampant through her body. Emily usually never let her feelings get to her, but the thought of her family proved too much for the blonde’s heart. She remembered that fateful day two years ago that altered Emily’s life forever. 

 

Becky’s encouraging words lingered on long after, ‘Everyone here’s lost someone’. Yet, everyone seemed perfect to her. 

 

Emily didn’t understand it, how could everyone maintain a happy face everyday, not when their loved ones were six feet under. Emily remembered the sounds of the bombs bursting through her ears, the shouts of civilians next to her. But she would never ever forget the screams that came from her twin, how she died in her arms with a piece of metal sticking through her chest. 

 

Sometimes she wished she could simply stop being human. Humans, are so overridden with their emotions and love for people, that’s what eventually breaks everyone. She wished she could be an emotionless drone, sometimes she felt that way. Every cell in her body felt numb too much of the time. She noticed every one of her kills less and less and they don’t even bother her at night anymore. ‘All part of the process’ she supposed. 

 

Kelley was simply getting a bottle of water when she saw Emily crying on the couch. 

 

Kelley turned her head to see if anyone else was in the room before slowly approaching the young blonde, trying to figure out a way to talk to her. 

 

It was more than crying, that Kelley could gage. It was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person who's lost everything. She would know, she’s only cried like this twice in her life. The first time was when she lost her dad, and the second was when she let Christen walk out of her life. 

 

She sat down quietly next to Emily on the couch and set down her water on the coffee table. 

 

“I-”

 

Kelley waved Emily off before giving her a gentle smile.

 

“Just let it all out Em,” She simply told the blonde who was sniffling, trying to control herself.

 

Emily’s look reminded Kelley of a scared little girl, she pulled the blonde closer to her. 

 

“I’m here,”

 

Hearing those two words broke Emily, after her parents she had no one. She was on her own, their wasn’t a single person who looked out for her. It felt good, to have someone in your corner. She needed this.

 

Kelley wrapped an arm around Emily’s shoulders and pulled her close, soothingly rubbing her arm. It was a simple enough gesture, yet, it meant the world to Emily. 

 

After a few more minutes Emily finally began to calm down, she wiped the way the tears using her shirt before looking up at Kelley.  

 

“What do you need?” Kelley asked tucking a strand of Emily’s hair behind her ear. 

 

“I… I don’t even know anymore.” Emily whispered.

 

“Do you want to share? Or we could sit here and put on a movie, or we could go lie down but I’m not leaving you alone,” Kelley rattled out a list of options.

 

“Laying down actually sounds good, but can we talk too?” Emily asked, a slight fear as if Kelley would say no.

 

“For you? Anything,” Kelley answered soothingly. 

 

Emily nodded before standing up, she wiped away the remainder of the tears as she waited for Kelley to stand too.

 

Kelley stood up and followed her lead. Emily led Kelley to the barracks and peeked inside, silently praying a thank you as the room was currently unoccupied. Emily walked over to her bunk and crawled into the bed, leaning her head back onto the pillow.Kelley stood by her bunk awkwardly for a second waiting for Emily to voice her need. 

 

“You can come on the bed if you want, you don’t have to if you don’t want to though,” Emily muttered out.

 

Kelley nodded and laid down next to Emily, “This is so not fair,” She groaned. 

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Your mattress is so much better than mine,” Kelley whined.  

 

“If your new I guess you get the new things then.” Emily remarked with a tiny smile.

 

“There’s that beautiful smile of yours,” Kelley poked at Emily’s dimples in an effort to see her laugh again.

 

Emily felt herself start to blush causing her to turn her head to the side, not wanting Kelley to see the redness of her cheeks. Though the smile soon turned to a frown after realizing everything that just occured. 

 

“What’s on your mind Sonny?” Kelley asked, scared she might be pushing her too far. 

 

“What isn’t?” Emily joked, stifling a small laugh.

 

“You’re such a Dork,” Kelley snorted. 

 

“But in all seriousness, it’s my family. I miss them so freaking much.” Emily told Kelley, her voice cracking slightly.

 

Kelley felt her heart drop, the feeling all too familiar. She tried to ignore the way her heart was breaking.

 

“I wish I could take away your pain, all of it,” Kelley mentioned softly before reaching her hand into Emily’s hair, and started running it through.

 

Emily leaned into her touch and soon enough her whole body was pressed up against her. Emily hasn’t had anyone hold her this close and the tears threatened to spill over from her eyes again. 

 

“I.. I..” Emily couldn’t even finish the sentence before her voice caved and the tears started spilling out.

 

For the most part Kelley just pulled Emily closer and lets her bury her face into her chest and cry. She feels her fingers curled into the fabric of her training shirt, not clasping tightly, but just enough for Emily to know she’s there. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Emily croaked out.

 

“Shh...let it all out,” Kelley’s afraid she crossed a line but it doesn’t stop her from pressing a light kiss onto Emily’s head. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m crying, you shouldn’t feel burdened to deal with this.” Emily rambled out.

 

“I can’t pretend to know your pain because everyone’s pain is different, but what I do know is that I wished someone was there to hold me when I found out I lost my dad,” Kelley admitted her voice muffled by Emily’s hair. 

 

Emily’s eyes widened at the words, she turned her head upwards allowing her to face the older brunette.

 

“I’m so sorry, god see I’m such a fuck up, now I just brought that up for you and I know you probably don’t want to think about that. I’m sorry.” Emily told her as she clenched her jaw, breaking eye contact with her.

 

Kelley sighed in defeat, “I wish you could see how fucking beautiful of a person you are Emily Sonnett, I hope that one day I can show you,” 

 

“I.. I’m sorry, I just…. I lost my parents and sister to an attack, my twin actually. Her name was Emma, she was one of the most free-spirited people you could ever meet. She always looked to see the good in people, and she…. She died in my arms, a piece of metal from the building went straight through her abdomen. But the worst part, the worst fucking part is that she pushed me out of the way. I was supposed to die, not her.” Emily poured everything she’s been bottling up to Kelley.

“You’re worth it Emily and you have too believe it too or else everything your sister did was in vain,” 

 

“It isn’t fair Kelley, they weren’t supposed to die!”

 

“I know it’s not,” Kelley closed her eyes and held Emily close as she felt some tears roll down her own face. She felt guilty for crying when the other girl needed her. 

 

“I miss them Kelley, I just want my twin back, I… I don’t even know how I’m still here. Why did they have to bomb that restaurant, why did they have to do that? I can’t understand it. We were just civilians, we didn’t do anything to them!”

 

Emily knew her emotions were getting the best of her, but she couldn’t help it. She’s held this bottled up far too long to push it back down again.

 

Kelley pressed their foreheads together, “I want you to focus on my breathing,” 

 

“But.. How… I can’t, I just-” Emily was interrupted by Kelley’s warm lips on hers. Kelley pulled away quickly and Emily could see guilt flash through her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, you’re really vulnerable right now,” Kelley apologized getting out of the bed. 

 

“No, please don’t go,” Emily called out as she reached for Kelley’s hand.

 

Kelley’s walls crashed down as she let herself slip back into Emily’s bunk.

 

“Let’s set some ground rules yea?” Kelley proposed. 

 

“Yeah.” Emily nodded in agreement.

 

“Rule number one, no more apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. And...if tomorrow morning you still feel the same about...you know, come find me,” 

 

“Okay.” Emily responded quietly.

 

“Where is everyone anyways,” Emily asked.

 

“Becky took some of the girls out for patrol, I think Christen and Tobin are still here though,” Kelley responded.

“Oh, cool.” Emily responded, the awkwardness setting in.

 

“Can I hold you?” Kelley asked quietly. 

 

Emily thought about it for a minute before slowly nodding her head.

 

Emily made space allowing Kelley to crawl back into the bed with her, Emily propping herself on her elbows to allow Kelley to position herself under the blonde better. Once she knew Kelley was situated she leaned back into the older woman’s arms, relaxing when she felt Kelley’s arm wrap around her stomach. Kelley stayed quiet for a few minutes before she noticed Emily’s breathing even out.

 

“Better?” She asked. She looked down and saw that Emily half asleep, her eyes opening at her question. She barely nodded before her eyes closed again.

 

_______

  
  


Christen walked past the B block barracks on her way to breakfast and found that the lights were still on.

 

‘That’s odd’ she thought to herself as she walked in to find the light switch.

 

The girls must have forgotten to turn it off when they left, she’d lecture them on saving electricity when they returned in the afternoon. 

 

As she was looking for the switch she heard the light breathing of someone, her curiosity taking over made her forget about the light switch but turn in the direction of the breathing to see Kelley and Emily sound asleep, cuddled together.

 

_ Oh? This is new.  _ Christen smiled to herself. She was glad that Kelley found someone again. 

 

Christen smiled at the pair before walking over to the light switch and flicking it off, then proceeded to walk out of the room to go get breakfast.

 

Hours later Moe returned to her bunk after a long night of patrol. Morgan tiredly walked into the barracks, starting to unbutton the buttons on her shirt when she felt herself falling forward. Morgan silently cursed for not turning the light on as she turned her head to see a shoe on the floor. 

 

Morgan groaned as she knew it was Emily’s and picked it up and started to walk over to the blonde’s bunk, stopping in her tracks when she saw the scene before her.

 

Kelley’s face was tucked perfectly into the crook of Emily’s neck.

 

Kelley ‘stone-cold get a bitch we need Kelley’ O’hara was cuddling? 

 

Morgan felt around for her phone and was ecstatic to find it in her back pocket before snapping a few pics of the pair. She laughed softly before walking out into the hall, spotting Alex and Allie.

 

“Yo, A-Squared come here,” Morgan all but squealed. 

 

The duo groaned, just wanting to go to sleep but had to deal with Moe’s little antics instead. They followed Morgan into the barracks and both their mouths dropped when they saw the sight before them.

 

“Is that-” Allie doesn’t even know how to finish her sentence.

 

“It is,” Alex finished in complete shock at the scene before her.

 

“I was not expecting this,” Moe whispered. 

 

“I know right, Emily can totally get it!” Allie cheered quietly.

 

“Should we give her the shovel talk?” Alex joked.

 

“Soon, very very soon.” Morgan whispered back.

  
  



	5. I’d give into yours

**Chapter 5**

 

_ Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten _

Kelley put down the weights and her shoulders sagged back into the bench. She took a deep breath before wrapping her fingers around the bar again and starting another rep, anything to get her mind off of what happened the night before. 

_ One, Two, Three, Four _

It was her seventh set and she could feel the soreness that she was going to feel tomorrow. Lately she’s been extra overwhelmed with the world, Alex was being distant and she couldn’t figure out why, Becky had warned her of disaster coming their way, and then she stupidly kissed Emily, the girl she was mentoring. 

_ Five, Six, Seven, Eight _

After what happened yesterday between her and Emily, Kelley didn’t know if she could forgive herself. She took advantage of Emily’s vulnerability and she never thought she would be the person to do that to someone. If she had to find a word that described how she felt with herself it would be, disgusted. She felt like a hypocrite, she always vowed she wouldn’t allow people to take advantage of others, hell that was her job, yet here she was, doing that exact thing.

_ Nine, Ten _

Kelley slammed the bar into the rack and sat up in frustration. She grabbed her water bottle and took a swig.

 

Christen walked into the gym, towel around her neck, ready to conquer one of her favorite fitness routines until she spotted Kelley who looked rather flustered. 

 

_ ‘Interesting’ She thought to herself.  _ Christen shrugged to herself before heading over to the treadmill for her warm-up two-mile jog. Usually she zoned out to the sound of her own feet hitting the treadmill, but today she found herself studying Kelley’s movements around the gym. From what Christen could tell, Kelley was not having it today. She could see her moving quickly through her routine, not being as careful as she should be when working with weights as if she didn’t care about anything in the world. She also made no effort to even acknowledge Christen’s presence in the gym even though Christen knew that Kelley could hear her. Christen cursed herself seeing that nobody else was gonna be coming into the gym today, leaving her alone with a very frustrated Kelley of which she really didn’t want to deal with but knew she had to anyways.

 

She still cared about Kelley, they weren’t the best of friends after their breakup but Christen still considered Kelley one of her closest friends. Her feelings for her may have faded, but she could never stand to see the girl hurting, no matter the circumstance. She deducted that Kelley was upset about something because the only times she’s ever seen her less than giddy is on the days when her dad’s death hits her harder or when she’s hungry. 

 

Christen assumes it’s about her dad since Kelley looked very off. She knew if it was she would have to handle this approach strategically. One wrong move could send Kelley into a spiral, one of which she did not want to try and stop.Christen doesn’t think she’s ever met someone who felt every emotion so deeply, it’s the thing that made Christen fall for her, it was also the thing that made Christen leave her. 

 

Everyday after the breakup Christen regretted not being best friends with Kelley first. Maybe their story would’ve ended up a lot different, they’d have time to discover the souls of each other without the strong emotions. Perhaps, they would’ve discovered that their purpose would always take them in opposite directions, unless one of them sacrificed who they were. Or maybe it was a good thing, space was something that they so desperately needed. Christen needed Kelley to start living for herself, Christen couldn’t be the hero for the brunette every single time.

 

That’s not how relationships were supposed to work. Christen couldn’t take the pain away from Kelley, no matter how much she desired to. She also couldn’t cure her depression (even though she had a hunch Kelley thought she could) and towards the end of their relationship she felt that Kelley was using her as more of a crutch. 

 

Christen was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of Kelley’s fist against a punching bag. Christen observed that she opted out of wraps or even gloves, ‘that’s gonna hurt like a bitch later’ she thought. 

 

_______

 

Kelley threw punch after punch until the sting of her knuckles could no longer be felt. She felt the thoughts accelerating in her head and it was driving her crazy. Her breaths came out in gasps and she felt like she was about to black out when she feels a hand wrap around her wrist. She swung her body around and glared at Christen who refused to let her wrist go.

 

“What do you want?” She growled but Christen’s face remained unbothered.

 

“For you to stop hurting yourself,” Christen said softly letting go of Kelley wrist and handing her some water.

 

Kelley reluctantly took her water bottle from Christen’s hands and took a gulp. She ignored the throbbing of her knuckles as she sat down on the floor. 

 

Christen sits down next to her and Kelley looked over at her.

 

“I just needed to get it out,” She said, offering Christen an explanation to the question she didn’t have to ask. 

 

Christen nodded, “Is it your dad?” She asked.

 

Kelley took another sip of her water and shook her head, “I’m just overwhelmed,”

 

Christen pursed her lips, “Kells, there’s better ways to channel that. We have therapists, you could talk to Becky, and you could always talk to me,” 

 

Kelley her hair out of a ponytail and twisted it into a bun, “Becky’s stressing me out with all this ‘something dark is coming’ crap and I know that she’s probably right but is it so hard to ask for some peace for once?” She started ranting.

 

Christen raised her eyebrows, “We’re in the middle of a war Kelley,”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes, “I know I just, it’s stupid,”

 

Christen tilted her head to the side, “It’s not stupid Kells,”

 

Kelley curled up her knees and rested her chin on them, she stayed quiet for a few minutes. 

 

When she does break the silence, Christen’s still sat in front of her listening attentively. 

 

“Sometimes the world is just so loud,” She explained, “And I just miss the way things used to be, it felt like I had all the time in the world to mess up, now when I mess up I feel like I’m letting everyone down,” 

 

Christen hummed in agreement, “But you don’t have to carry that weight alone,” She reached over and squeezed Kelley’s shoulder encouragingly. 

 

Kelley nodded, “If I tell you what I did promise not to judge?” 

 

Christen laughed, “When have I ever judged you Kell?” 

 

Kelley knitted her eyebrows, “Remember that one time in college when I accidentally wore your jersey to a soccer game and the ref ejected me because my name didn’t match the number on the roster,”

 

Christen shook her head and laughed, “I think you were asking for it,” 

 

Kelley’s smile faltered when she got back on topic. 

 

“I kissed the rookie,” She admitted, her eyes refusing to meet Christen’s gaze.

 

Christen didn’t look surprised but instead she look, almost, happy.

 

“I’m happy for you,” 

 

Kelley threw up her hands in frustration, “No you don’t get it Christen, I took advantage of her,”

 

“What happened?” Christen asked, the concern evident in her voice. 

 

“She was having a rough time last night and I found her crying on the couch so I held her” Kelley started retelling the events from last night. 

 

“And…” 

 

Kelley looked down at her feet, “And I kissed her,”

 

“Did she kiss you back?” Christen interrogated. 

 

“Yea but only for a second before I pulled away,” Kelley answered.

 

Christen stares at the girl in front of her, she hasn’t seen Kelley like this in awhile. She’s forgotten what it was like to see the stormy side of what’s usually a sunny personality. 

 

“Yes, maybe it wasn’t the best time to kiss her but she kissed you back and you pulled away right away, so maybe don’t be so hard on yourself,”

 

Kelley sighed, “And on top of that I’m due for a promotion anyday, you know the rules on fraternizing,”

 

Christen nodded, “Well do you like her?” She asked.

  
  


Kelley shrugged, “That doesn’t matter, what matters is that soon I might be her commanding officer,”

 

“I believe that you’ll figure it out, you always do,” 

 

Kelley looked up at Christen, “Sorry for interrupting your workout,” She said apologetically.

 

Christen chuckled, “You can make it up to me by sparring,” She stood up and held her hand out for Kelley to take. 

 

__________

 

On the other side of the building Tobin and Moe were having a different kind of fight.

 

“Tobin I swear I’m gonna smother you with this pillow,” Moe growled glaring at Tobin.

 

Tobin stuck out her tongue at Moe but remained unbothered.

 

“You’re just mad that I’m so good at this game,” Tobin teased, her eyes trained on the screen.

 

Moe rolled her eyes, they’d been playing fifa for hours now and Tobin has yet to lose even one match. She’s starting to think that Tobin rigged the controller, or purposely gave her the one with the sticky keys.

 

“What’s the score,” Allie asked, sitting down next to Tobin and throwing her feet up on the coffee table. 

 

“7-2,” Tobin answered without giving it much thought. 

 

“Damn Moe, step it up,”

 

Moe glared at Allie and huffed, “Cut me some stack, I’m not cheating like Heath over there,”

 

Tobin groaned and handed Allie her controller, “Here Als, you destroy her so she’ll shut up about me cheating,” 

 

Moe started out pretty solid but not even 30 seconds into the match her finger slipped causing her defender to lose the ball, that mistake cost her a goal. 

 

She grabbed a pillow from the couch and screamed into it. Allie set down her controller and looked at Moe, clearly amused.

 

“Competitive much?” Allie teased throwing a pillow at her.

 

When Becky walked into the lounge minutes later to find Moe holding Allie on the ground and tickling her while Tobin stood by and recorded them with her phone, she simply shook her head and muttered something about, _ ‘the children misbehaving’ _

 

Eventually Allie gets hold of Moe’s shoulder and flipped the younger girl off of herself. 

 

She stood up and glared at Tobin, “You could’ve helped me you know,” she huffed.

 

Tobin smirked, “Then I wouldn’t have gotten this hilarious video,” 

 

Allie lunged at Tobin in an attempt to grab her phone but Tobin was faster.

 

She grabbed Allie’s hand and guided it away from her phone.

 

Allie sighed in defeat and plopped back onto the couch next to Moe who was now messing with the settings of the video game.

 

“I’m gonna go down to the gym, you guys wanna come?” Tobin asked.

 

“Nope, I’m gonna show Moe how to play fifa,” Allie answered glancing up at her. 

 

“And by the way Allie, that’s like the fourth hoodie you’ve stolen this week,” Tobin gestured at the black hoodie that Allie was wearing.

 

Allie looked down at her hoodie and rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,”

 

Tobin shook her head and walked down the hallway, “Just give it back!” She said before venturing out to the gym.

 

__________

 

When she got to the gym she finds Kelley and Christen laying down on the sparring mat, both out of breath.

 

“So, who won here,” She asked walking into the gym.

 

Kelley and Christen both looked up at her and said, “Me,” at the same time. Then they looked at each other, Kelley squinted her eyes, “I seem to remember that I won 3 of those 4 rounds,”

 

Christen crossed her arms over her chest, “It doesn’t count, you distracted me by telling me that there was a fire,”

 

Kelley looked at Tobin as if to ask for the girl to take her side, Tobin shook her head.

 

“You two are something else,” She laughed.

 

Kelley grabbed her water bottle, “I’m gonna go make some lunch, we should spar more often,” 

 

Christen nodded and watched Kelley stroll out of the gym, clearly in a better mood. She turned her focus back on the girl standing in front of her, “ So You here to workout or..”

 

Tobin looked down at her hands, “Chris I just, I don’t know how to start,” She admitted seriously.

 

Christen knitted her eyebrows, it was a rare event to see Tobin so serious about something.

 

“Why don’t we take a walk,” Christen suggested and Tobin nodded. They started walking out of the gym and into the hallway.

 

“I looked into our patrol, I just had a hunch because we have hundreds if not thousands of different ways that we could’ve entered Aros, someone had to have tipped them off,” Tobin explained.

 

Christen listened carefully, Tobin’s theory did make sense. After the start of the revolution, Aros was forgotten and abandoned, it was a densely packed forest but they had to constantly patrol it to make sure that their enemies didn’t build a base there. 

 

It would be dangerous with how close the forest was to the Nova-Gemini, the task force headquarters. After the fall of the government and the takeover of the provincial army, the western part of the United States was split into 12 different ‘states’ as they called it. During their training simulations, they spent a lot of time learning about the ins and outs of Aros, in preparation for the real thing.

 

Tobin continued, “I looked into the mission file and somebody, a commanding officer changed our patrol date back a day. Isn’t that a little suspicious?” 

 

Christen nodded, “Becky has been talking about sensing corruption in the government for some time, do you think we ought to bring this up to her?”

 

Tobin hummed in agreement, “Yea, I think it’s the best thing to do,” 


End file.
